What's the Story, Morning Glory?

Well, it appears our viewership is growing. For those of you recently joining us, thanks to my mother's epic email blast, welcome. I hope my occasionally brazen writing style doesn't offend you. I've been advised and then forbidden to edit myself, so please stick it out. Stay with me; hopefully you'll enjoy. Tell your friends and click on the ads. I know they're annoying- always flashing about and blinking. Trying to distract you from the excellence that is the writing here in front of you. - But think of it this way, I'm poor. Every time you click on ad, or use the (mostly) worthless search engine at the bottom of the page I make money.  So really you're helping to support my life here and thus the craziness that creates this blog. Essentially, without you clicking stuff, I wouldn't be nearly as successful at bringing some cheer into your hum-drum day. It's a little positive feedback cycle...Help me to help you!

There now. That said, let's move on to the good stuff: My current place of employment. the spa

I love working there! Most days.

Most of the time it's chill. My coworkers are cool, my managers are bomb and they pay me decently to stand  around looking cute and sound cheerful when I answer the phone. I accept payment for the spa services and get commission whenever clients buy retail. Please understand that this isn't some rinky-dink day spa that are a dime a dozen in New York, I work at an upscale spa. Where our cheapest service is $65 and our standard anything rings up at $110 + tax. That doesn't include any of our specialty services...

So you can imagine people coming in, mostly paying at least $114.95 sometimes less if they've opted for a 30 minute service or simply getting a wax. But even that is expensive comparatively. (I pay a solid $20 including tip, to get your lip waxed at the spa is $16) and sometimes more...way more. Our packages are upwards of $200 and can be as expensive as $500. And let's not forget to mention the prepay bundles offered. I sell those and my 5% commission is $50 -- you do the math.

There are some people who come into the spa and think that costumer service means I do whatever the hell it is they want. Okay, I realized you just dropped like $300 but no I can't extend your gift card. It clearly says expired 8/14/2010 you couldn't come the whole year you had to use the gift card? No? Really? Why...why do I have to deal with the most idiotic rich people ever known in the tri-state area. For example: today this fine lady from Tennessee gave me a ring at the spa.

Thank you for calling the spa this is Epiphany, how can I help you?

Haaaa Tiffany. I purchased a gift card a few daaays ago ova the phone for my sister out thayre in New York. Now she lives oon the upper east side, and I got an email here. Waaahhhy hasn't she got it yet? 

Umm? You got an email confirmation? But you called? And asked for it to be mail delivered?  

Yeeaass. 

Then it's in the mail.

Well can't you hand deliver it? You're right there in the city raght?

Umm...no. I am not a courier. 

And oh. my. gosh. the parties. 10 to 15 ladies come in and act like the effing queen of the spa. No I can't cancel your service. Yes I realize you're part of the party but we have policy. You can get the service or you can not, either way you'll pay me $125.40 plus food. Got it? =) Great.

We mostly get like bridal parties/ bachelorette parties. My big sister, D, is getting married this year. I'm so super exited. Every time there's a bridal party I want to get my sister our Bride-to-Be package. I mean... I can't afford to get myself service, and I get 30% off. But you know, it's the thought that counts; and in my mind I can get her an entire $300 package. Yay me. Anyways D, if you're reading this, please know that although I'm poor I'll get you a bomb wedding gift. Promise.

The wedding date has been set for Thanksgiving weekend. Woot woot. Don't know what I'm wearing but I'll be rocking stellar shoes. Prepare yourself, seester. My shoes, may just be superior to yours. The other news that she gave was also very, very happy. (None of your friends read my blog so it's okay)

Seester! I have happy news. I was like I'm really sick and ShoBoy was like, babe, you're preggars. And I was like noooo I need to go to the hospital. And he was all, just take the test. So I did, and got back in bed. He comes in: D...what's two lines mean? And I'm all like... wedding dress!! 

LOL! This new one, plus Shaunelle's new bundle of joy due in November-ish (I think, I don't really know) brings my total up to a whopping 5 nieces, 6 nephews, plus 2 newborns. My parents will be well satisfied on the grandkids front. By the time I have kids- if I have kids- my oldest niece will probably be like in her 20s. Lol I'm in no particular rush. Obvi, since we've been over that whole V card thing.

Nevertheless, such is my life about now. the rest is still UNwritten.