25 Things NOT to Let Me Do at my Wedding

Assuming we make it that far, that is...

In the event that I actually make it to that whole wedding stage in my life; this is a list I've compiled - based on true life experiences - of things that definitely cannot occur on my special day.

Prerequisites for that engagement business:

1. I like him enough to give it a title
2. Approval from Mommy, Patrick & Malaika
3. Secondary approval from Daddy, Alan, James, Tabari and Randol
4. 1 carat diamond, minimum -- or the answer is no. Seriously. Because you get to keep me forever, and all I get is a stupid ring. 

If those requirements are met we may proceed 

Things NOT to Let Me Do at my Wedding

In no particular order...

1. Have it at a dance studio
2. Have it at a Receptions reception hall
3. Invite the ghetto family members to the ceremony
4. Wear adidas sandals under my dress-- and let people see them!
5. Have nasty wedding cake
6. Serve fried chicken, chitlins, or ham hocks in the buffet
7. Forget the rings
8. Have audience members (I guess at a wedding they'd be guests?) catcalling during the service. 
9. Wear a dress that has: sequins, tulle, ruffles, a poofy princess skirt, long sleeves, been made for prom, or any color other than white
10. Keep changing the date
11. Cut people from the wedding party
12. Have a destination wedding
13. Have clashing wedding colors
14. Make the bridesmaids wear ugly dresses
15. Be an obnoxious bridezilla
16. Have a bachelorette party the night before- and look like hell as a result
17. Get little sleep --> or I will be like those obnoxious brides on TV
18. Hire anyone besides a 100% legit photographer
19. Keep a cell phone to tweet play-by-play updates
20. Let all my nephews be ring bearers
21. Charge admission
22. Do anything tacky in the registry
23. Give condoms -or other encouragement of slutty wedding sex- to the wedding party as gifts
24. Allow illegal substances on the premises 
25. Use glass bottles/dirty cans on the back of the "Just Married" car

So there you have it. This compilation has been going on for a couple years based on some events I have attended. I decided to make an official document out of the mental list; in hopes that if the time ever comes, we'll be prepared with a checklist of no-nos to make the day run smoothly. Mind you this is in the very distant future. Though I have had some proposals in the past few years-- well, they were more like statements. But that is neither here, nor there. -- A wedding is not even on the horizon of my life. There will be time to accumulate more. 

The rest is still UNwritten