My Mommy is My Best Friend... Shh!

"Hey Mom, I have a question...it's about sex."

Now... how many of you can actually say you would approach your mother with that topic? Anyone? No? Drinking, Smoking and Sex, normally taboo, are a few of Marvel's and my favorite topics.

It baffles me when I see my friends deliberately keep things from their parents, like their actions are something to be ashamed of. Would you kiss your mother with that mouth? My answer is yes. Yes I would. Because there is absolutely nothing that I do or say that I can't tell my mom about. "Well mom, I hooked up with this guy last night. We kissed. A lot." New Year's Eve 2009 "No, mother, I'm not okay. I'm really, really, really drunk."

My mom has always cultivated a really close relationship between us. Since my parents' divorce when I was 10, it's been just the two of us.  Even when I rebelled against her, I could still tell her anything. She encouraged - enforced might be a better word - that confidence.
"Epiphany, are you pregnant?"
"What?? Mom, I'm 12."
"Okay, just making sure. Are you having sex? You know you can tell me these things. I'll make sure it's safe."
I'm sure my friends would have loved that openness I share with my mom. Meanwhile they were sneaking around, trying to think up reasonable excuses for someone to buy their birth control. "I just want to regulate my period..." Yeah right. If you're so worried about getting pregnant despite a condom, perhaps you should abstain from that particular activity?

When I was in high school I couldn't go to parties that were unchaperoned. I'm not exactly sure of her reasons behind that; but I do know that after, I'd tell her what happened. Yes there's drinking, smoking and sex.
Marvel on:
Drinking.
If I'm going to drink she preferred I did it in the house. I had my first drink at 8. French champagne for my birthday. I started drinking regularly at 14. I was on a cruise with my dad and some family friends. *sigh* Such fond memories. I've been drinking with my mom since I was 15. At two months to my 21st birthday, I'm pretty much over that whole novelty. I drink responsibly, and I always have...for the most part - there are a few occasions that I won't mention here. But I know how to because of my mom. I didn't feel the need to go crazy when I came to New York. I never had the desire to go out and get slopping drunk. It's happened where external circumstances have driven me to drink more than I can handle while I'm out, but that's another matter entirely.

Smoking.
"I still remember what I was doing when I finally got that package I shipped myself from Jamaica." MOM!! Smoking has never really been an issue for me. Yes I've done it. Yes I was mostly in high school. Yes I do have asthma. Because of that I wasn't particularly into smoking - fags or pot. That doesn't mean Marvel hasn't regaled me with some fascinating stories of her weed smoking days. And sending that good green stuff back from Jamaica via USPS. My sister told me that dear old dad smokes weed in his cigars... you know, sometimes I thought they smelled a little off. The first time I got high I thought I was going to die. I couldn't do anything... Which is why I say No. Activity is my anit-drug. LOL

Sex.
 We started the sex talks early. I was 3 when Marvel first told me about "bad touches" Since then I've added some catchy phrases to keep you away from my special no-no place. "Stop don't touch me there. These are all my private squares," is always a crowd pleaser. More recently I've been known to say, "Did I say you could touch that? *dramatic pause* This is gold." That one is fun. The shocked looks I get during the dramatic pause are priceless. And, since my lesson on places other people shouldn't touch, we've graduated to more complex topics.

If you hadn't noticed, sex has been on my mind recently. It's in my blogs and my facebook statuses. It's in the guys I'm talking to, and my rapidly growing sexual awareness. Amazingly enough my mother helps me rationalize the snarling mass of confusion in my head, and the hormones trying to take over my body. I love her!

"Epiphany, sex is like milk. I mean...it's really good. But do you want to drink it for no reason?" Well, no not particularly. I love a glass of milk with Tortuga Rum Cake from Aruba, or oreos and peanut butter. If I'm going to have a pop tart there's probably milk involved. And with cereal... But I'm digressing. Milk was a great metaphor for me. Because I am a milk snob. Milk past the sell by date gets thrown out and sour milk, is simply not acceptable. "Sex just for the sake of sex is like drinking sour milk. It tastes okay, but later you don't feel so good." Losing control = sex regrets. Thanks Mom!

The Boys.
Baby Boy: Have fun with him. He'll grow up and you'll be off the hook
The Suit: Beware of this fast talker. Take a moment to regain control of your mind, he'll talk you out of your panties so fast you'll wonder how it happened. When you don't think you do dumb shit.
The Athlete: He. Is. A. Keeper. In every aspect. Respect. Loyalty. Consideration. Don't discount his feelings. What he does for you is love.

I have very few best friends my age. Like 3. Marvel has at least 35 years more experience on all of them. So yes. My mommy is my best friend. She's my best source of advice, and I know she always has my best interest at heart. She's biased in her opinions and my biggest fan. Her enthusiasm for my dance career is sometimes embarrassing, but I secretly love it. She's the"cool mom." The best, and you wish your mom was as awesome as mine. Just saying.

The rest is still UNwritten.