52 Things I've learned in Life.

From my iTunes library. In alphabetical order

1. Ain't too Proud to beg- if it will get me what I want
2. All That's known- is not all there is to know
3. Bend & Snap- since I'm too rockin' to lock away. All the boys come and gawk away; droppin jaws from a block away
4. The Best is Yet to Come- enough said
5. The Bitch of Living- is totally worth it
6. C'est La Vie
7. The Climb- There's always going to be another mountain; I'm always gonna wanna make it move
8. Dancing Through Life- The strange thing, your life could end up changing
9. Doesn't Really Matter- What the others see, I'm in love with the inner being
10. Epiphany- Have one
11. Everything is Alright- Tell me that it's all fine
12. Fake Your Way to the Top
13. For Good- People come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. We are led to those you help us most grow...because I knew you, I have been changed for good
14. Get me bodied - That means come closer to me, while we grind to the beat. Your body is touching my body.
15. Guy What Takes His Time - I go for anytime. Why should I deny, that I would die, to know a guy what takes his time
16. Haven't Met You Yet- Some day it'll all turn out
17. Honkytonk Badonkadunk- You hate to see her go, but Lord to watch her leave....
18. I Feel So Much Spring- what was dark so long had felt like winter, finally there's sun
19. I Want You Back- Now that I see you in his arms
20. It's My Life- I ain't gonna live forever
21. Jesus Walks
22. Just Dance- it's gonna be okay
23. Karma- what goes around, comes around
24. It Keeps Getting Better
25. Ladies Choice- Everybody dance
26. Love Story- Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone, I keep waiting for you but you never come. It's a love story baby just say yes.
27. Mama- Never would have thought you'd become the friend I never had
28. Mercy, Mercy, Mercy- Have mercy on me. How can I face life without you? 
29. Never Give Up on the Good Times
30. Nine People's Favorite Thing- Those 9 people could tell 9 people...18 people could grow into 525,600 people
31. On My Own- I'm talking to myself...
32. Over My Head- I never knew that everything was falling through. Everyone knows I'm in over my head
33. Part of Your World- Something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be part of your world
34. Popular- I know about popular
35. Quando, quando, quando- And then darlin tell me when
36. Quicksand- I'll follow the signs so clearly, but still the catch me like quicksand it's pulling me down
37. Respect- find out what it means to me
38. Run til We're Free- One of these days you'll agree.
39. Save the Last Dance For Me- you can dance with the guy that gives you the eye let him hold you tight. But darling, save the last dance for me
40. Secondary Characters - they're calling the shots while the stars are snacking off stage
41. Stars & The Moon- I'll give you Venice and Paris is June...but I'll never have the moon
42. Take Me or Leave Me- This diva needs her stage, baby let's have fun
43. That's Not My Name- Tiffany, Ephiphany, Eppippany, Euphoria
44. Ugly Men with Beautiful Women- We're all ugly inside, since we're all guts and stuff...
45. Uptown Girl- you've seen her in her uptown world, getting tired of her high class toys, and all the presents from her uptown boys.
46. Vanilla Twilight- drenched in vanilla twilight I sit on the front porch all night. Waist deep in thought, 'cause when I think of you I don't feel so alone
47. Vulnerable- please don't tell me I'm the only one that's vulnerable. Impossible
48. Wanted- Put my lips on your mouth, keep you coming around. I can't resist
49. I'm free to be Whatever I choose and I'll sing the blues if I want
50. You Belong with Me-Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
51. You Haven't Seen the Last of Me-I'm down now but I'll be standing tall again. Times are hard but I was built tough. I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of. I'm far from over
52. 1985- She's still preoccupied with 1985

There it is, life lessons in song. The rest is still UNwritten.

Avatar Dating 101

A good friend of mine just reminded me of how much I genuinely loved Avatar. I mean, I know I liked it. It was a kick ass movie -- A little disorienting in 3D-- with awesome visuals and stellar effects. I even liked the predictable Pocahontas story line. But since it had been out of theaters and not quite on DVD I'd forgotten how much I really liked it. Not to mention Zoe Saldana. And I love her. I have ever since Center Stage, before that probably. And I want to be her when I grow up. but I'm digressing...

Anyways soo Avatar. The language of the people is actually a really great way to communicate with the opposite sex. Either way you're going to scare them off (which is always a plus when you're garnering unwanted attentions.) This is Dating 101 via Avatar.

Making Contact: With a generally acceptable male
Him- Aye girl
You- I see you
Him- I see you too?
You- I see you *with gesture*
Him- ....okay... *walks away*
Problem Solved

Making Contact: With a generally unacceptable male
Him- Aye girl
You- ......
Him- You hear me
You- ...*Hiss/growl at him*
Him- blah blah blah
You- You should not beee here *gesture*
Him- Stunned
You- Calmly walk away
Proceed with your business as usual

Trying to throw off an attached one...
Him- blah blah blah blah blah blah
You- We are mated for liiiifffeee
Him- (receding footfalls as he runs away)
Mission Accomplished 

Hahaha. And there you have dating 101 according to Avatar. If you are unfamiliar with the phrasing or enunciation of certain lines or would like an excellent guide of how to say things properly, please see the movie. All of these are done expertly by Zoe, princess of The People.

Works Cited
Avatar. James Cameron. 2009. 20th Century Fox. James Cameron, Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver

The rest is still UNwritten

Boys, Boys, Boys

We like boys in cars. (Boys, Boys, Boys) Buy us drinks in bars.
Boys, Boys, Boys. We love them.

So, if you've kept up at all in the back log of this blog, you are well aware of my affinity for attention. We are all well aware of my need. Some people are addicted to drugs and alcohol. Me? I crave your undivided awareness. It's a pretty serious personality trait, I'm finding. I've used to to describe myself in the "getting to know you" conversation with several of the new boys...men... I'm friends with these days.

These friends are all exceptionally wonderful breeds of man. Like, God was showing out when He created them. Dead ass. Amazing guys, each in their own right; and all so explicitly different. The dancer. The athlete. The dancer. The athlete.... Well, I guess they aren't so different after all. Anyway.

I find that I'm most drawn to the two of them that I wouldn't normally want. To know on a more personal level, that is. That they are both great guys pales in comparison to the fact that they lavish me in attention and compliments. Feeding me flattery and niceties until I don't know what to do with myself. I'm floored by the magnetism of their discourse. Their desire, so blatantly obvious in the banter and body language, reflects upon my own. Do I like him? Sure. But I like that he likes me, more.

I'm attracted to his attraction. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. But it also gives him a chance for me to get to know him. Instead of just bypassing him all together. I've spent some quality time with them - more one than the other - and while I don't know much about his life; I do know that I like him as a person and I respect him as an artist/entrepreneur. I like him enough to want to defend him against those that would slander his name or attempt to mar his character. I guess you could say he's growing on me. He makes me want to dream big. And gives me confidence to reach for all that I want in life.

"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?" No.
"If you still lived here, would we be dating by now?" Nope. Sorry
"Do you see us together in the future?" ...Um. No.
"Why are you shy around me?" I'm not. Just apathetic towards your existence.

^ - Best solution to these questions, boys, lavish me with your attention. Not that any of you read this. But if you did and you asked me those questions here's my answer. The best way into my pants  is through flattery. What's the best way into my heart? Ask my Daddy, because I surely don't know. He's the only man that has my heart. Though my nephews are all making quite a pull for it. And there's 6 of them. Hope you figure it out soon, or there just won't be enough room for ya mate.

The rest is still UNwritten.

Settled.

I'm settled. And now that I am. I'm looking to move on. It's been a great first 6 months out of school. I've done a little traveling. A lot of dancing. And I've encountered that elusive 21st birthday...finally. After all is said and done, I want to do more now.

Good. Better. Best. Never stop to rest. Until the Good is Better; and the Better, Best.


The rest is still UNwritten

56 Things Someone Wished They'd Known Earlier

: Enlighter. Posted Nov. 4 2010

I wish I'd known:

1. That failure was an option. 
2. There's a difference between friends and drinking buddies. 
3. Honesty, in all situations, is always, always, always the best policy. 
4. How to grow a pair and be more assertive. 
5. How to feel comfortably weird about being a little weird. 
6. How much my mum and dad really loved me, and all the warnings I got came from a place of love.
7. That my thoughts don't have to dictate my life.
8. That home really is where the heart is.
9. That intelligence is not something you're born with, it's something that can be worked on.
10. That being positive can really change your thoughts which can indeed change your life.
11. How to be myself more and not tried to imitate Tom Cruise' (Top Gun) confidence (Although singing, 'You've lost that Loving Feeling' to girls sometimes did work )
12. That the jacket of life could be altered to suit me.
13. How to say No!
14. That the phrase 'just try it' should apply to everything we do in life.
15. That not being perfect is okay, and, in fact, striving for perfection is an impossible task.
16. That not being 'well off' didn't mean I didn't have a rich life.
17. That losing myself in a book wasn't a substitute for living.
18. That my thoughts actually control how I feel, and how I feel affects the way I see the world.
19. That sex is a physical act and that love is something different altogether.
20. That having two strong sisters was a blessing.
21. That formal education was only one option in life and not the only, or best, option.
22. That starting a business didn't require as much planning or money as I'd thought.
23. Never to settle for second best, whether it be in relationships, product choice, or employment.
24. That loving yourself was a pre-requisite to truly loving others.
25. How to plan my finances better.
26. That everything I ever stressed out about would not matter one year later.
27. That TV numbs the mind.
28. That my mistakes would define me as the person I am today.
29. That perfection is never going to happen.
30. Never to actively participate in gossip, it's the black death of the soul.
31. That nobody can be changed, no matter how hard you try to change them. People change because the pain of changing is less than the pain of not changing.
32. How to express my love more.
33. That my regrets in life stopped me from moving on. When it's done, forget it and move on.
34. That helping others was the real path to helping every area of my own life, business, and personal.
35. That change is inevitable, and rather than fighting it, I should have befriended it.
36. Not to waste my time and mental energy on people who didn't matter in my life.
37. That life is a balance and I dictate the ratios.
38. That it's okay not to know everything.
39. To live in the moment, and not in the future or the past.
40. That trusting myself would allow great things to happen.
41. That not all people are bad, but not all people are good either.
42. That what's right for me is not necessarily right for others.
43. That although responsibility can seem scary, when embraced it gives understanding acceptance and choice.
44. That one of lifes skills is to be able to spot genuine people.
45. That things have to come to an end to be able to experience new, exciting things in the future.
46. That learning doesn't finish when you leave school.
47. How to trust my instincts more.
48. That the world is as big as you allow it to be.
49. That I had choices, and my route may need to change but perseverance always got me through.
50. That the world does not owe you any favours, you have to step up to the plate and be counted.
51. That happiness is not defined by financial wealth.
52. The importance of working out what was right for me.
53. That all actions, always have a consequence.
54. That my needs and desires would change over time.
55. That doing what I wanted to do was not necessarily me being selfish.
56. That where you are born does not dictate where you will end up in life.

They say that Youth is Wasted on the Young. I disagree. What would be the point of being young and learning and growing if you already knew the answers. You wouldn't learn or grow at all. Life is a journey. Release your inhibitions.

the rest is still UNwritten.

Update:

Remember when I said to check back to see if the feeling good about life lasts? Well, it has. Things are going well. And I am thanking God.

We're having a house warming. If you didn't get a fb invite, you can't come. I've got the power.

In the meantime. Here's something fun to watch. If I could tag my sister in a blog I would. It's reminiscent of many hours spent at her house, doing nothing but watching this video. Over. and over. and over. and over. etc. etc.

End of the World.

Eyes Are the Window to the Soul

My eyes are getting me into a lot of trouble...

I think I have the beginnings of a harem. Mother did teach me to keep my pimp hand strong, so I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to several guys simultaneously - especially since I have no intention of committing to any of them. I'm gun shy...what can I say?

One might assume that some sort of conscious effort on my part goes into all of this. It doesn't. And if you've kept up you now it's not like I'm putting out. Well....not really. Light-hearted tomfoolery is a necessary pleasure. So what is it that keeps them coming around??

Good question. Two weeks ago I was asked, and gave some cheeky remark, "Well obviously it's my stellar looks and personality." But after recent events this past week I had to ask that very same question. What is it about me that sends them in droves?? Because really, I thought I had perfected the Leave Me the Hell Alone face. I polled a panel and the unanimous response was my eyes. I have "flirty" eyes.
My eyes "kill them."
"Please just look this way so I can see your eyes."
"Epiphany, you have the perfect eyes for the role."

I don't know what that means... So, if you are one fascinated with my eyes. Please elaborate what exactly it is about them, so I can go ahead and rectify that. But don't worry. I'll still let that light in my eyes shine for the harem. Those men have a special place in my heart. *aside* It's because they dote on my inner attention whore.

UNwritten.

Tryna Catch Me Ridin Dirty...

On October 6, 2010 at approximately 3:20 (according to my ticket. It was actually more like 3:10) P.O observed recp using the end doors of a train car to pass from one subway car to another. *gasp* THE HORROR!!


I know, it's terrible. But what can I say? I was tired and that was the fastest way to get through the train without chancing it leaving. But here's some excellent info just FYI - not only is passing between subway cars dangerous it's also illegal. Very illegal, judging by the $75 ticket Officer Jerkface wrote me. And please believe once I realized being cooperative wasn't going to get me a slap on the wrist and a stern warning; I tried everything I could think of. No amount of wit, charm or tears could sway the asshole. And I did try. I cried real tears, dammit. I would have been worried that I was losing my touch but recent events contradict that. I still got it. It's too bad I didn't think to turn my "flirty eyes" on him-- based on evidence I probably would have gotten in more trouble. I am not trying to be arrested, thank you very much.

I sulked for all of 10 minutes about the ticket. I lamented my terrible fortune to any and all who would listen; and then decided to dispute it. Some excellent advice from a NYC Councilwoman "say you were scared of sexual harassment" That is usually a fail safe. But since I was going to be swearing to tell the truth and all that at my little "hearing" I decided to go with borderline facts. I have severe tendonitis in every joint in my lower body. The cold weather sets it off; and I was coming from a long shift at work headed to my second job. "I didn't realize it was illegal, your majesty. I was just looking for a place to sit down. No one offers seats to reasonably healthy looking 20 year olds. I'm not obviously disabled. Please, sir, I can't afford to pay the ticket. Life of a starving artist..." etc. etc. blah blah blah.

Evidently I went to my "hearing" too soon, because Officer Jerkface hadn't submitted his copy of the report. Why that matters I'm not sure, since his is a carbon copy of mine... While I was waiting for my 10 minute date with the hearing officer I witnessed some fairly amusing things.
1) Some man came with a lawyer, requesting to move the hearing date back. You don't need a lawyer for that shit...
2) The security to come into the TAB center is a metal detector and a guard who searches bags. This lady yelled at her son (whom I assume the ticket was issued) about "being treated like dirt" and just "wait til I tell your father..." Really lady?? Because it's not as bad as airport security.
3) I'm becoming much to familiar with government type buildings where they call your number and tell you which window to go to. Some people can't seem to remember what their number is. A little hint. It's the four digits on that piece of paper clutched so tightly in your hand!

I looked bizarrely cute for so early in the morning, I mean it was like 9 am on my day off last week. I waited to go in, I underwent that joke of a hearing, and waited some more for the decision. Do you know what my verdict was?? It said to wait so they could review more pieces of the case. And to call them if I haven't heard in 2 weeks.


Are. You. Kidding. Me? The whole purpose of going on my terms was to get it over with. I can't be bothered with the Transit Authority Bureau. I have shit to do. Duhhh.

Also this past week, Booface's computer was stolen from our apartment when everyone was home. That was scary. That made for the second time in a week I gave my ID to the cops. So when I was out last night, and the cops came striding over to the group of loud, inebriated black kids dancing in the street; I swiftly made my exit stage right. And stood at an appropriate observer's distance. NYPD is tryin to catch me ridin dirty...

On a lighter note. This week I also took a field trip to Strong Island with the man with the Hair. He took us to see the SYTYCD Tour...and then left us there. Luckily we were able to get a ride from Jamaica where the train ended up, because the LIRR doesn't go to Brooklyn after 10:15 PM on the weekend. My So You Think You Can Dance inspired diet lasted all of 3.5 days. When it came tumbling down this evening after I ordered pizza-- Which was delicious, btw-- perhaps I'll reinstate it for tomorrow. I'm also currently free lancing with a former SYTYCD Season 6 star. He has fans...and  a posse. I can't really handle that many people, but perhaps I'll grow accustomed.

The rest is still UNwritten.

I haven't written in a while. Mostly because I've had nothing exciting to blog about.
Life goes on. And I'm trying to carpe diem et merda.
I got a ticket on the subway. $75. Perhaps if I get it dismissed I'll tell you the story. If not, I'll probably be too pissed off.
Word of the day: Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious- the biggest word you've ever heard.

UNwritten

Daddy's Little Girl

But first something completely off topic. Because it makes me smile. I'm trying to figure out how I can be the next youtube phenom. So far I've got nothing. But I'll keep working on it.

Bed Intruder Song
He's climbin in yo windows.
Snatchin yo people up.
Tryin to rape 'em so ya'll need to
hide yo kids, hide yo wife.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife...
And hide yo husbands
Cuz dey rapin everybody out here.
________________________________

I've told you before I am a self proclaimed attention whore. I undoubtedly thrive on the attention of others. As the baby of the family, and growing up essentially as an only child I had nothing but attention my entire life. Once I started performing regularly and doing PR for the company I garnered even more attention. Please believe that while I know my attention-mongering could be considered a character flaw, it is a part of who I am. And I embrace it. You should too.

Luckily, while I was drowning in my parents attentions, I was not spoiled. Though I'm loath to admit it; somehow, when I wasn't looking, I managed to grow up. I'll be 21 in just 5 weeks. (And I'm not counting. I had to look at the rugby calendar for that...) I successfully manage my income, pay my bills, and still find time to make out with boys ;-) I like being self sufficient...sort of

I was thinking back over the years, before he married my stepmom, when it was just my Dad and me. At 11 years old I lived in a bachelor pad. For breakfast I ate cereal, in the car on the way to school, in a solo cup. We had dishes but didn't use them. And if we didn't get pizza or take out I had easy mac for dinner. I drank cherry 7up straight from the bottle and only had one set of sheets (which didn't even fit) for my bed. Instead of an alarm clock, by dad rang my doorbell to wake me up in the morning. Back in the day, a well placed Daddy...please! would get me out of school for lunch, or home early when I was sick *cough cough*

I have the "play helpless until someone else does it for me" of a youngest child in conjuction with the self centered narcissism of an only child. The makings of a first class brat if there ever was one. I'm definitely self centered. I come off as arrogant, but I like to think I'm not a narcissist. - He was in love with himself. I just think I'm okay. - It's true though, that I probably don't have the patience to deal with people, and I never had to. Patience is a virtue that I lack. I'd liked to have what I want, when I want it, thank you very much. It's probably why I'm such a big fan of delivery.

Between my two sisters and three stepsisters, my parents have a whopping 11 grandchildren. That should keep them satisfied for awhile... and I get to play with the babies without that whole motherhood thing =) See, I don't have to do much. Thanks for handling that part, sisters. Daddy, I hope that should I make it to the wedding phase and decide to broach the topic of motherhood you a) won't be too worn out and b) realize that as much as I like to think otherwise I'll never be too grown up to need my Dad.

No matter how old I am I will always be my Daddy's Little Girl. And the rest is still UNwritten

25 Things NOT to Let Me Do at my Wedding

Assuming we make it that far, that is...

In the event that I actually make it to that whole wedding stage in my life; this is a list I've compiled - based on true life experiences - of things that definitely cannot occur on my special day.

Prerequisites for that engagement business:

1. I like him enough to give it a title
2. Approval from Mommy, Patrick & Malaika
3. Secondary approval from Daddy, Alan, James, Tabari and Randol
4. 1 carat diamond, minimum -- or the answer is no. Seriously. Because you get to keep me forever, and all I get is a stupid ring. 

If those requirements are met we may proceed 

Things NOT to Let Me Do at my Wedding

In no particular order...

1. Have it at a dance studio
2. Have it at a Receptions reception hall
3. Invite the ghetto family members to the ceremony
4. Wear adidas sandals under my dress-- and let people see them!
5. Have nasty wedding cake
6. Serve fried chicken, chitlins, or ham hocks in the buffet
7. Forget the rings
8. Have audience members (I guess at a wedding they'd be guests?) catcalling during the service. 
9. Wear a dress that has: sequins, tulle, ruffles, a poofy princess skirt, long sleeves, been made for prom, or any color other than white
10. Keep changing the date
11. Cut people from the wedding party
12. Have a destination wedding
13. Have clashing wedding colors
14. Make the bridesmaids wear ugly dresses
15. Be an obnoxious bridezilla
16. Have a bachelorette party the night before- and look like hell as a result
17. Get little sleep --> or I will be like those obnoxious brides on TV
18. Hire anyone besides a 100% legit photographer
19. Keep a cell phone to tweet play-by-play updates
20. Let all my nephews be ring bearers
21. Charge admission
22. Do anything tacky in the registry
23. Give condoms -or other encouragement of slutty wedding sex- to the wedding party as gifts
24. Allow illegal substances on the premises 
25. Use glass bottles/dirty cans on the back of the "Just Married" car

So there you have it. This compilation has been going on for a couple years based on some events I have attended. I decided to make an official document out of the mental list; in hopes that if the time ever comes, we'll be prepared with a checklist of no-nos to make the day run smoothly. Mind you this is in the very distant future. Though I have had some proposals in the past few years-- well, they were more like statements. But that is neither here, nor there. -- A wedding is not even on the horizon of my life. There will be time to accumulate more. 

The rest is still UNwritten

Epiphany. Spotted in East New York...Again.

Today I used my food stamps to buy a sandwich and naked juice at the corner deli. On the train home, I was drinking my green machine. You know naked juice is that weird looking stuff with all the healthy fruits and veggies etm. whatever else they put in it... It looks nasty, but it tastes good. Since I've been able to get over the puke green color of it, I enjoy a naked juice whenever I can. Anyways. So I'm drinking my juice, and I notice some of the ingredients. Wheat Grass, Grass Root, Buck wheat, Bean Sprouts. Chlorella. I choke. What? Damn my fake dyslexia. I misread whatever the hell that is as Cholera. Meanwhile I'm choking on that sip, causing unwanted attention, thinking cholera can not be good for you. 


All of this was on my way back from East New York, where I'd spent a fair amount of quality time with Big Hair and CO. Well really it was just me and Ambrosia, and Jamel. But it was good. Before everyone from that Presentation showed up. The duet I'm supposed to be doing on Thursday was an absolute train wreck last night. And no fault lie on the dancers. The audience loved it - but of course, they don't know any better- so all is right in the director's world. But not in mine. The accompaniment is like a surprise every night. "What version will they play today? And who will give me a note about dancing to the music?" It's not my effing fault they don't know what they're doing. Play the damn CD. 


BTW. Today's word is Denigrate: verb. Criticize Unfairly, disparage. The ghastly musical rendition of "When We Were Kings" led me to this word. In my opinion, the live music totally undermines the feel of the entire piece. And diminishes the intricacies of the musicality of the dance. But obviously, my opinions don't matter. Which is fine. So long as I get my damned check before I leave on Friday. K? Thanks. 


On a lighter note. I'm still not feeling any depression or lingering anxiety over being an adult. I don't have to wake up for class at 7 AM. Nor do I have to sit in a lecture hall and try to listen to something that sounded way more interesting before I started learning about it. I can stay in bed until noon if I feel so inclined. And I can dress nicely without feeling like I have to be going somewhere special. Like on a date. Or... well, that was really my only occasion for putting any sort of effort into my ensemble before. I kind of like it. Check back with me in a month; we'll see if the feeling lasts...


The rest is still UNwritten.

Word of the Day

Laborious [la·bo·ri·ous] adj.:  Hard-working; industrious. Marked by or requiring long, hard work.

Epiphany's favorite words

Gargantuan: I mean how often do you really get to use that in a sentence?

Smashing: As in I'm going to give you $1000 for your birthday! Smashing!

Swell: As in I'm Swell. Not like I just punched you in the face; you should ice that before it swells. 

Qualm: I tend to have qualms about people and things. 

Euphoria: Because "Euphoria makes me horny" lol no. But on more than one occasion someone has called me Euphoria in complete seriousness.

If the spa Was a Fairy Tale

"Today was a fairy tale, all that I can say is now it's getting so much clearer. Nothing made sense 'til the time I saw your face. Today was a fairy tale. Time slows down whenever you're around."

While I was at work today in the cage (that's the booking room) my friend and I were having a heated debate on who was the princess of the spa. Of course, I am the princess, but for some strange reason she wanted to debate this issue. It was such a serious discussion that the manager came in to our windowless rectangle.

Acuna: What are you talking about? Who's a princess?

Both of us: ME!

I took a moment to explain the debate, and the one person jury ruled in my favor.

Acuna: Well obviously it's epiphany. She's been the spa sweetheart since her first day. Epiphany is the princess and you're like...the stepsister...that doesn't give messages.

Haha. Let's just say my coworker wasn't pleased with that outcome lol, she made an appeal to the manager on duty. Again the courts ruled in my favor. It was unanimous. And that spurred this fun little game we played until she got off...work that is.

Casting: if the spa was a Fairy Tale - by Epiphany and guest

NYU: Snow White

UCLA: Stepsister Ariel

Queens: Cinderella

Me: Princess!! Tiana..I guess?

Joseppi: Curly - Lost Boy from Peter Pan

Bronx: Sebastian 

Retail: Wendy

Mama: Queen Aurora's Mom

Acuna: King Triton

Adais: Jasmine

Rival: Lord Farquar (Shrek)/ Gaston/ Prince Edward (Enchanted) <--This one was a toss up. We couldn't decide

There was not enough time or appropriate fairytale characters to cast every person at the spa. We definitely left some people out, but not intentionally. It's all love. That's all that happened today. And Marvel gave that awesome word of the day. I'm being vigilant in protecting my income and business... so I noticed that over $100 of my paycheck goes to taxes. I was sad with that realization. I would have done better just looking at the check part.

The rest is still UNwritten

Word of the Day

Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

Well, it appears our viewership is growing. For those of you recently joining us, thanks to my mother's epic email blast, welcome. I hope my occasionally brazen writing style doesn't offend you. I've been advised and then forbidden to edit myself, so please stick it out. Stay with me; hopefully you'll enjoy. Tell your friends and click on the ads. I know they're annoying- always flashing about and blinking. Trying to distract you from the excellence that is the writing here in front of you. - But think of it this way, I'm poor. Every time you click on ad, or use the (mostly) worthless search engine at the bottom of the page I make money.  So really you're helping to support my life here and thus the craziness that creates this blog. Essentially, without you clicking stuff, I wouldn't be nearly as successful at bringing some cheer into your hum-drum day. It's a little positive feedback cycle...Help me to help you!

There now. That said, let's move on to the good stuff: My current place of employment. the spa

I love working there! Most days.

Most of the time it's chill. My coworkers are cool, my managers are bomb and they pay me decently to stand  around looking cute and sound cheerful when I answer the phone. I accept payment for the spa services and get commission whenever clients buy retail. Please understand that this isn't some rinky-dink day spa that are a dime a dozen in New York, I work at an upscale spa. Where our cheapest service is $65 and our standard anything rings up at $110 + tax. That doesn't include any of our specialty services...

So you can imagine people coming in, mostly paying at least $114.95 sometimes less if they've opted for a 30 minute service or simply getting a wax. But even that is expensive comparatively. (I pay a solid $20 including tip, to get your lip waxed at the spa is $16) and sometimes more...way more. Our packages are upwards of $200 and can be as expensive as $500. And let's not forget to mention the prepay bundles offered. I sell those and my 5% commission is $50 -- you do the math.

There are some people who come into the spa and think that costumer service means I do whatever the hell it is they want. Okay, I realized you just dropped like $300 but no I can't extend your gift card. It clearly says expired 8/14/2010 you couldn't come the whole year you had to use the gift card? No? Really? Why...why do I have to deal with the most idiotic rich people ever known in the tri-state area. For example: today this fine lady from Tennessee gave me a ring at the spa.

Thank you for calling the spa this is Epiphany, how can I help you?

Haaaa Tiffany. I purchased a gift card a few daaays ago ova the phone for my sister out thayre in New York. Now she lives oon the upper east side, and I got an email here. Waaahhhy hasn't she got it yet? 

Umm? You got an email confirmation? But you called? And asked for it to be mail delivered?  

Yeeaass. 

Then it's in the mail.

Well can't you hand deliver it? You're right there in the city raght?

Umm...no. I am not a courier. 

And oh. my. gosh. the parties. 10 to 15 ladies come in and act like the effing queen of the spa. No I can't cancel your service. Yes I realize you're part of the party but we have policy. You can get the service or you can not, either way you'll pay me $125.40 plus food. Got it? =) Great.

We mostly get like bridal parties/ bachelorette parties. My big sister, D, is getting married this year. I'm so super exited. Every time there's a bridal party I want to get my sister our Bride-to-Be package. I mean... I can't afford to get myself service, and I get 30% off. But you know, it's the thought that counts; and in my mind I can get her an entire $300 package. Yay me. Anyways D, if you're reading this, please know that although I'm poor I'll get you a bomb wedding gift. Promise.

The wedding date has been set for Thanksgiving weekend. Woot woot. Don't know what I'm wearing but I'll be rocking stellar shoes. Prepare yourself, seester. My shoes, may just be superior to yours. The other news that she gave was also very, very happy. (None of your friends read my blog so it's okay)

Seester! I have happy news. I was like I'm really sick and ShoBoy was like, babe, you're preggars. And I was like noooo I need to go to the hospital. And he was all, just take the test. So I did, and got back in bed. He comes in: D...what's two lines mean? And I'm all like... wedding dress!! 

LOL! This new one, plus Shaunelle's new bundle of joy due in November-ish (I think, I don't really know) brings my total up to a whopping 5 nieces, 6 nephews, plus 2 newborns. My parents will be well satisfied on the grandkids front. By the time I have kids- if I have kids- my oldest niece will probably be like in her 20s. Lol I'm in no particular rush. Obvi, since we've been over that whole V card thing.

Nevertheless, such is my life about now. the rest is still UNwritten.

My Mommy is My Best Friend... Shh!

"Hey Mom, I have a question...it's about sex."

Now... how many of you can actually say you would approach your mother with that topic? Anyone? No? Drinking, Smoking and Sex, normally taboo, are a few of Marvel's and my favorite topics.

It baffles me when I see my friends deliberately keep things from their parents, like their actions are something to be ashamed of. Would you kiss your mother with that mouth? My answer is yes. Yes I would. Because there is absolutely nothing that I do or say that I can't tell my mom about. "Well mom, I hooked up with this guy last night. We kissed. A lot." New Year's Eve 2009 "No, mother, I'm not okay. I'm really, really, really drunk."

My mom has always cultivated a really close relationship between us. Since my parents' divorce when I was 10, it's been just the two of us.  Even when I rebelled against her, I could still tell her anything. She encouraged - enforced might be a better word - that confidence.
"Epiphany, are you pregnant?"
"What?? Mom, I'm 12."
"Okay, just making sure. Are you having sex? You know you can tell me these things. I'll make sure it's safe."
I'm sure my friends would have loved that openness I share with my mom. Meanwhile they were sneaking around, trying to think up reasonable excuses for someone to buy their birth control. "I just want to regulate my period..." Yeah right. If you're so worried about getting pregnant despite a condom, perhaps you should abstain from that particular activity?

When I was in high school I couldn't go to parties that were unchaperoned. I'm not exactly sure of her reasons behind that; but I do know that after, I'd tell her what happened. Yes there's drinking, smoking and sex.
Marvel on:
Drinking.
If I'm going to drink she preferred I did it in the house. I had my first drink at 8. French champagne for my birthday. I started drinking regularly at 14. I was on a cruise with my dad and some family friends. *sigh* Such fond memories. I've been drinking with my mom since I was 15. At two months to my 21st birthday, I'm pretty much over that whole novelty. I drink responsibly, and I always have...for the most part - there are a few occasions that I won't mention here. But I know how to because of my mom. I didn't feel the need to go crazy when I came to New York. I never had the desire to go out and get slopping drunk. It's happened where external circumstances have driven me to drink more than I can handle while I'm out, but that's another matter entirely.

Smoking.
"I still remember what I was doing when I finally got that package I shipped myself from Jamaica." MOM!! Smoking has never really been an issue for me. Yes I've done it. Yes I was mostly in high school. Yes I do have asthma. Because of that I wasn't particularly into smoking - fags or pot. That doesn't mean Marvel hasn't regaled me with some fascinating stories of her weed smoking days. And sending that good green stuff back from Jamaica via USPS. My sister told me that dear old dad smokes weed in his cigars... you know, sometimes I thought they smelled a little off. The first time I got high I thought I was going to die. I couldn't do anything... Which is why I say No. Activity is my anit-drug. LOL

Sex.
 We started the sex talks early. I was 3 when Marvel first told me about "bad touches" Since then I've added some catchy phrases to keep you away from my special no-no place. "Stop don't touch me there. These are all my private squares," is always a crowd pleaser. More recently I've been known to say, "Did I say you could touch that? *dramatic pause* This is gold." That one is fun. The shocked looks I get during the dramatic pause are priceless. And, since my lesson on places other people shouldn't touch, we've graduated to more complex topics.

If you hadn't noticed, sex has been on my mind recently. It's in my blogs and my facebook statuses. It's in the guys I'm talking to, and my rapidly growing sexual awareness. Amazingly enough my mother helps me rationalize the snarling mass of confusion in my head, and the hormones trying to take over my body. I love her!

"Epiphany, sex is like milk. I mean...it's really good. But do you want to drink it for no reason?" Well, no not particularly. I love a glass of milk with Tortuga Rum Cake from Aruba, or oreos and peanut butter. If I'm going to have a pop tart there's probably milk involved. And with cereal... But I'm digressing. Milk was a great metaphor for me. Because I am a milk snob. Milk past the sell by date gets thrown out and sour milk, is simply not acceptable. "Sex just for the sake of sex is like drinking sour milk. It tastes okay, but later you don't feel so good." Losing control = sex regrets. Thanks Mom!

The Boys.
Baby Boy: Have fun with him. He'll grow up and you'll be off the hook
The Suit: Beware of this fast talker. Take a moment to regain control of your mind, he'll talk you out of your panties so fast you'll wonder how it happened. When you don't think you do dumb shit.
The Athlete: He. Is. A. Keeper. In every aspect. Respect. Loyalty. Consideration. Don't discount his feelings. What he does for you is love.

I have very few best friends my age. Like 3. Marvel has at least 35 years more experience on all of them. So yes. My mommy is my best friend. She's my best source of advice, and I know she always has my best interest at heart. She's biased in her opinions and my biggest fan. Her enthusiasm for my dance career is sometimes embarrassing, but I secretly love it. She's the"cool mom." The best, and you wish your mom was as awesome as mine. Just saying.

The rest is still UNwritten.

Still A Virgin?!?

For help call 888-743-4335

I can't tell you how many times, since I've reached a sex appropriate age, I've been asked that question. (Since I think my daddy is reading this I have to say that I'm sure he believes I'm yet to reach that age. 27 right dad?) Or gotten that shocked reaction when I say that I am. YOU'RE still a virgin?!?! Why does that surprise you so much? It's not like I'm a huge whore... or maybe it's that condescending version Awwh. That's cute. Hang on to it.  Fuck. You. Don't patronize me.

Yes, okay, fine. I still have my V card. Mainly because I've had no desire to give it to anyone thus far. I came close recently (apparently tipsy me is a horny slut...in case you were wondering) but, alas, my homie, Jesus, (pronounced Hey-suus) was looking out. It's not like I'm really holding onto it until marriage...per say. I've maintained it for so long, it just seems stupid to throw it away at this point. My new company members at CO think that I'm one night of debauchery away from an artistic breakthrough. Well that makes me feel good... I have to wait to have great sex to get better at dancing...  damn =(  Yes, I'm a twenty year old virgin; but at least I know that the man who does eventually get my virginity, will give me damn good sex. =) Which is all that really matters.

I'm a Scorpio. According to Tyrese in Signs of Lovemaking (which is a great song if you haven't heard it recently)  by nature I am ridiculously sexual. I exude a natural sensuality- I suppose- that commands and demands attention. Which, sometimes unfortunately, I get. It must be my subconscious and thus far untapped physicality that calls so much to the guys. Who knows, really? Not me. But they love to watch me walk away ( I bend and snap*)

Right. Back to virginity. Several cities are currently running billboards advertising a hotline for virgins to call, if you need help that is. What kind of help does it offer? Well, I'm glad you asked. I called - not because I was interested in the "help" - I just wanted to know what the point was. I'm happy to report that it was actually quite entertaining. The billboards and the phone number are part of the marketing campaign for Sony's new movie The Virginity Hit about guys helping their friend lose his virginity. Apparently these billboards have been flagged as offensive and some state governments are attempting to get them removed.

But why? I mean for some backward reason in our great prudish nation, sex sells. Why yes, I would like to buy whatever the hell that beautiful half naked man is selling. Duh. If you wear Old Spice you will smell like a man, man. And the man my man could smell like, makes me want a man who smells like a  man...man. And wearing Axe makes good girls go bad. No matter how dirty your balls are, Axe body wash will help you clean them so they're more enjoyable to play with...then girls will jump your bones.

I'm sure there's some lesson in advertising in there...but that's not really my point right now. The point is sex is overly abundant everywhere.

Maybe that coupled with a less intelligent view on reverse psychology is what makes men think "no" means "I'm being coy". I'm not. Here's a story. I'm headed out. Waiting for the train to East new York. It's 1 AM.
Man: damn girl.
Me: .....
You have a boyfriend
Yep (No hesitation. DO NOT HESITATE! I swear they can smell a lie if not delivered confidently)
What can I do? He take care of you?
Oh yes.
Everything you need
Yes.
You're sure. How can I oblige you?
... ignored.
Is he better than me
what the...? I really can't say
Want to try?
Absolutely not.
Why Not?
I have a boyfriend...I'm not that kind of girl
I think you're playing. 
I'm not.
I think you want to give me some.
That is not at all true. What I wish I said Please take your chapped lips and rotting teeth out of my personal space before I punch you in the face.

Ironically, a quite enjoyable night/early morning was sandwiched between this unfortunate event and my walk of shame - minus the shame part - the next morning. I got an escort to the train. A kind fellow got out of his car, since I wouldn't get in, and walked me to the subway station. And then a late thirties asked if I was married and blessed my day when I said I was uninterested. *sigh* Such is my life. And if you're in for a laugh give the Virgin hotline a call. Tis quite amusing.

The rest is still UNwritten.

I Cannot Go Unchaperoned

Evidently at 20 years old I still need a chaperone on a day to day basis. It's a shame that I can't walk out my front door in any sort of apparel without garnering some sort of observation. There are some attentions that even a self proclaimed attention whore could do without. 


I've spent the last three years of my life trying to figure out how to get the "Talk to me, Please! I'm interested" that's tattooed somewhere on my person off. Because I figure there must be something that signals them, and it's certainly not me. I don't smile or speak or even make eye contact. WHY DOESN'T MY LACK OF RESPONSE INSULT YOUR MALE EGO?? I'm not interested. Leave me alone.


Quite recently I was subjected to a one sided conversation from the subway platform at Union Square to 33rd Street. It's almost like that time I was followed for 45 minutes from Greenwich to Gramercy, but not quite, because I found them amusing. This time I did not look at said person. We made NO eye contact, I was listening to my iPod for heaven's sake. I didn't even know we were having a conversation until he tapped my shoulder. 
Me: Ummm what?
Sir: mumble mumble murmur murmur
Me: ...okay?
Sir: murmur murmur mumble mumble


I go back to listening to music. Unfortunately, I can't help but notice that his mouth is still moving. Finally- FINALLY!!- he stands to get off the train. He takes me hand - EW!- and bids me farewell. My life! Why??


This happens to me daily. When I'm coming out of rehearsal: Mm girl, I can make you sweaty. When I'm going to the gym: Can I work you out? Heaven forbid I walk out of the house wearing a reasonable ensemble. Because then I have "a confident walk" when I'm looking "sexy as hell." What makes it okay for them to talk to me like that and then I'm an arrogant bitch for not responding? 


Well news flash: AYE GIRL is not the way to speak to any female. Now don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not above using my feminine wit and charm to get what I want. Dinner, Movie, Physical labor, Work, Affection, Bedding. Yes it even works on my Dad - Though I think that has more to do with being Daddy's little girl than my extensive charm.


Also, I think I get work because I'm such a witty and charming person. =) I mean I love to banter - which I was recently informed is actually me flirting- with my gay managers, with the male massage therapists, with my coworkers, with the clients at the spa. Everyone loves a good banter with a worthy opponent. I've found that a well placed smile can pretty much negate anything bad I may have said... to the point that the poor person I just insulted isn't even aware of what just happened. 


I do love to play the bitchy role when I'm acting. It's way more fun than being the good girl. Mind you, the bitch is never the main character - unfortunately for me- but I can get over it. As long as I get to make witty comebacks. I got a part in a short film back in April. It was supposed to film in May. Then June. Then when I was gone in July. Then in August. Now in September. I'm not holding my breath. But I'm pretty sure the director just gave me the part because he thinks I'm cute. And he likes that I'm a dancer. Because Lord knows I f---ed that audition up. I've been interviewed on his radio show, and for his TV station. I even have a script. I get all this advanced privileges and I don't even have to go to the boring production meetings. Yayy me!!


I guess that in the right setting I can turn up the charm and flirt mercilessly with the opposite sex. I suppose the flirting seeps out even in the situations when I don't want it to. Because hey! In the end, a Scorpio woman can drown you in her passion. I guess I really do need a chaperone... :-) oh well. 


The rest is still UNwritten

Dirt Roads, and Mountains, and Jungles!! Oh MY!

This too is something that has already been written. Marvel and I went to Costa Rica in May 2008 for a little summer get away. I thought I'd share another of our adventures. This one in the real Jungle. Enjoy =)
Published May 16, 2008


Costa Rica. A country that meets both the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea, is nudged between Nicaragua and Panama. It is roughly the size of South Carolina, yet takes at least 18 hours to reach either border and 3 hours to the coast from the center in San José. 

I was fortunate enought to spend the past 4 days in the beatiful sun and warmth of said country with my mother. We stayed in San José a city, with no beach. (which is not exactly what i had in mind for my Costa Rican vacation, let me tell you). So obviously the beach, with sand and more sun was a must. 

Here is where the story gets interesting. There was a tour through our hotel place to the Pacific coast, for beaches and ocean swimming, etc. $125 per person. Pretty Pricey for a trip to the beach, right? Marvel and I aren't really into wasting money, so she decides that instead we rent a car (against everyone else's warnings) for $75 and make our own tour. Woohoo!! So we head out on Tuesday morning, with some books, stuff for the beach, a map of Costa Rica and our rented car. Well there aren't really street signs there, but as long as you know where you're going it's all good. 

Incident 1. We're driving along. The rental car agent had warned us to bring passports in case we got pulled over. Mommy says, "I'm not going to get pulled over." Sure enough, Marvel drives 80 kmh in a 60 zone --unintentionally--and we get pulled over. Well, shit. With the language barrier I thought it would be super difficult. Not so much. I understood that we had the option of paying the cop a $20 dollar ticket, paying the rental agency $30 for the ticket, or my personal favorite: paying the cop $20 and NO ticket!!! we took the latter and continued on our way.

We made it to the beach, a Marriott hotel//resort that we snuck into and pretended like we belonged there. It was lovely. We had lunch at a little local restaurant, where this man was shamelessly flirting with Marvel-cuz she's hot or something. and then went to the natural park that was our main destination. 

Incident 2. The park was closed when we got there, but we stopped for drinks before heading back to the city. It gets really dark there, like at 6, and we had a 3 hour drive back to San José starting at 5. To summarize my first 19280128 paragraphs: Everything was fine until it got dark. 

Incident 3. A wrong turn on our way back to San José puts us on a road we didn't recognize, but instead of turning around we continue; but ask for directions... ? One road leads to another (literally) and about 45 minutes later we are sufficiently lost on the Costa Rican roads without numbers or road signs and it's getting worse. All of a sudden the road ends, and we are now driving along an unpaved, one-laned, dirt road. That climbs up and up and up the side of a mountain. Meanwhile, I'm in the jungle trying to navigate in the dark. (And I mean dark. New York has given me a complex about what night looks like. It gets so effing dark everywhere else!!) 

Before my little story comes to a close, because obviously I'm fine, I'd like to say that it was at the top of a mountain, on a dirt road, in the jungle, on a very dark night, that Marvel and I wander into a cantina of sorts and ask for directions to San José. On a Paved road. Preferably with lights. We spent an extra hour that night being lost on a dirt road. I was traumatized, it was not fun. But I can look back and laugh at it now, as long as it NEVER happens again. 


And then on Wednesday I was on top of another mountin, where I zip-lined through trees on a canopy tour. Basically this trip rocked, minus when it was dark out!! <3 


*This has already been written 

I Bet You Think This Blog is About You.

That's because it is..
This the next edition of my bridal series. Something Old: check. Something Borrowed: check. On to Something New!


I have a new friend. I think of him as my new boy space friend. My new, 18-year-old boy space friend. Well, because he's 18. He was born in 1992! I know, right?!?!

Not that there's anything wrong with being born in the 90s. But as a child of the late 80s - very late 80s. *Being two months old when the 90s hit doesn't really make me a child of the 80s. But my birth certificate says 89 and I'm sticking to it, damn it!* - I can hardly fathom being born in the 90s. And for some reason I associate 90s babies with 12 year olds. Really, it's a puzzle to me as well. 


Back to my new friend. We met through Creative Outlet. He danced with the Young Artist (I think? The JAs are something different?) I'd seen him around before at rehearsals/performances and what not, but I didn't really talk to him until this past week. To be honest I'm not sure that I knew his name. (But I'm bad at that, so don't take it personally) He was helping to teach the duet that I am learning. Whatever, whatever we're sort of marking through the piece. Actually, he was dancing, and I was marking because there are lifts and I didn't want to hurt him. I did do the turning section full out. I like to do fouettés =) There weren't that many, and they weren't even that good. I went to continue on in the dance, and he's just standing there staring at me. AND so was Jamel... and Amber. What?! I don't know why they were all staring at me. It's a bit disconcerting, let me tell you, to have everyone just gaping. I thought I'd done something wrong...


Now, I've started quite the collection of Young Artists facebook friends, many of them before I knew entirely who they were. But I'd never received one from him. Imagine my surprise when before I even got home from rehearsal that day I had a new email from Facebook. J-------- W-------- has added you as a friend. My thoughts? What the hell. We danced together today... Epiphany is now friends with J-------- W-------- 


He's leaving soon to go to North Carolina, he has to go to college. Which is great. Sometimes I still think I'm 18. But then I remember I was a college freshman at 18. Now I'm a college graduate at 20. I feel old...


As I'm on the upward slope to my quarter life crisis (I feel like I'll be there soon) I think I like his attentions - But, then again, I like everyone's attention. Step One: Acceptance. My name is Epiphany, and I'm an attention whore 


And because I think he's cute, we have good chemistry in rehearsal. Haha I was legitimately shocked when Jamel said today, "after this caress, this...this breath here, then you can grab her and tongue her!" *gasp* JAMEL!!! Don't give him any ideas! He was only joking... Not that I would have minded; that is, if we weren't in a church and there weren't like 34985793842 other people watching. The sexual undertones of the duet allows me to reiterate my fondness of hard bodied men and the smell of clean clothes. Although clean clothes has absolutely nothing to do with the piece... I just like that scent.


I also keep referring to him as "He" he has a name. It's not "he," but I'm keeping that little bit of information private. To protect his anonymity from all the curious masses that read this blog. Duh! Everyone reading this probably knows who I'm talking about... Anyways that's my story. The moral is I'm currently enjoying something new. Until he goes to school. I won't be going to school this fall, which is also something new. My apartment is new. So is roughly everything inside of it. And today I got the sheets for my bed. And curtains for my window- now it's not a peep show every time I get dressed. Though I feel like since I live on the top floor, if they're trying that hard, anything they see is kind of like a reward for their persistence. But I'm digressing...


That's all the new for now. The rest is still UNwritten...